Three reasons that might be stopping you from asking for help

I’m not good at asking for help. I don't like it. 

And I figured this is something I need to work on because I cannot do it all on my own, no matter how hard I try…

I started thinking about this behavior and I realized that this fear originates from a few different places.

One, I don’t like to be rejected. No one likes to be rejected; the fear or rejection is real! 

When we were living in tribes, and you were rejected, you were likely to die alone in the savanna and starve to death… and this primal fear is stamped in our limbic brain, making it still very relevant today.

OK, I know I’ll not die if I’m rejected, but it’s still a fear that I have to deal with when I need to ask for something to someone. 

What if they say no? What if they don’t like what I ask? What if they think that I’m asking too much?

All kind of thoughts pop up in my mind, all related to that fear of rejection.

The second reason why I don’t like asking for help comes from my childhood. Growing up I learned to cope with the stress at home by not disturbing the peace. 

I learned not to ask for things, I learned not to inconvenience anyone, to be quiet and to be obedient, so I could keep my mom happy.

There is nothing wrong with being obedient and quiet, as long as this doesn’t affect you and your development as a person.

For me, it has taking me many years to understand why I don’t ask for help. Why I want to keep everyone happy, even if I’m not happy. Why I try to manage others’ people emotions. Why I put others’ feelings before mine. 

The thing is, when you are constantly putting others’ feelings first, you end up being drained. You lose yourself. You don’t know what you really like. You don’t know who you really are. Because you don’t show it. Because you hide your real you, to make sure others are happy.

Because if you show yourself as you are, what would other people think? Would they like you if you share your thoughts? Would they be upset because you share your opinion? Would they reject you? (here it’s again, the fear of rejection…)

Third, my refrain from asking for help also comes from the idea that I have to be able to do everything because I need to be self-sufficient and perfect.

I’m a strong, confident, independent woman and these types of women don’t ask for help, right? Wrong!…I know now this is BS…

I think I started forming this belief when I was a kid. I grew up with three sisters and our parents always reinforced the idea that we should not depend on any man for economical or any other reasons. And this is a very valuable belief, but I just went I little bit too far with it… 

For me, coming to these realizations was a big leap. 

Once I understood where my reticence to ask for anything was coming from, it has actually helped me to be more aware every time it happens. 

Every time I now have to ask for something and I feel that old uncomfortable feeling in me, I stop and acknowledge why I am having the feeling. I tell myself that there is nothing to be afraid of. 

I found those three reasons stopping me from asking from help. I deconstructed my old beliefs and realized that they no longer serve me. Time to let them go.

How about you? Are you afraid of asking for help?

Maybe is time to look at your own beliefs?

If any of these beliefs are stopping you from asking from help, realize this:

You can came to terms with who you are and understand that it’s ok if not everyone likes you. You will not die alone in the savanna. 

You can share your thoughts, you can ask for help and you can be ok with different opinions and responses because others are entitled to their opinions and your worth is not dependent on them. 

Also, have you ever thought that not letting others help you could be kind of selfish?

There are people that value helping and whenever you remove the opportunity to do so, you are taking away their way to serve and being helpful. 

You are, by allowing your fear control you, letting down people that would gladly help you because they value that opportunity as their way to serve others. 

So, in my case, I’m slowly learning to ask for help. I’m letting go my old beliefs one by one. I’m a work in progress.

How about you? Are any of these beliefs present in your life? Have you discover other beliefs that keep you from reaching out to others?

Let me know in the comments below and help me out spread the word! (You see, I’m asking for help!!!)

xoxo,

Sofia